Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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