im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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