I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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