He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize