I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize