Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize