Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
