I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
