I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
