Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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