I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
