btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
