All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
