I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
