I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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