I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
