Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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