Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
