you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
