I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
