I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
