so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
