he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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