just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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