I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am available for nakedness
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
