he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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