i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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