And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
ttyl tear gas
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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