Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
