Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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