Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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