I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
