Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
