so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
