How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
