Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
worst night to have a conscience
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
