I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
bring money and cleavage
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
