quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
