Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize