I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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