Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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