Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Mom said you looked used
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Terrible idea I love it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
