If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
