FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
