conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
