she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
