we're chasing vodka with high fives
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize