I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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