she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
