allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
