If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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