Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
