Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
