I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
