Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
