Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
