I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
