the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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