You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
