I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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