did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
