At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
