The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
