If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
